Refrigerator Rights
November 26, 2008I have really resonated with the concept of ‘Refrigerator Rights’ that author and comedian Will Miller has proposed. The idea is this, “How many people in your life are comfortable opening your refrigerator to get a drink or something to eat without asking your permission first?” Miller suggests, and I agree, that the key to mental and emotional health is the presence of these types of relationships in your life. I like to take this idea one step further, “How many people in your life are comfortable opening up the door to your heart without asking your permission first?” Or how about this, “Does God have access to your heart?”
The idea of refrigerator rights speaks to a relational way of life that is rapidly disintegrating in American culture and causing us to get more and more disconnected and fragmented from the people around us. In fact, such is this way of life that most people, including Christ followers, do not even realize how disconnected we are from each other. Our culture is constantly on the go. Yes, most of us are surrounded by people every day, but very few in America have ‘refrigerator rights’ relationships. I heard it said that the church does not need to figure out how to do small groups rather the church needs to learn how to do relationships!
The American drive for personal success, the drive to focus on my needs, my dreams etc. has left us in a state where there is little value for relating. This pursuit of self is having a devastating impact on our mental and emotional well being.
In the book, Refrigerator Rights, Will Miller described our desensitization to relating this way:
” If something is nearly constant or routine, we tend not to notice it. Breathing is so automatic that you don’t tend to consciously think about the mechanics of your body as you take a breath. In today’s environment, our isolation from other people has become so routine that many of us don’t even realize that this is our state of affairs.”
So what do we do? We, the church, must help people understand that our way of life is polluted and begin to model a ‘refrigerator rights’ way of life……the relational way of life that God has called us to.
Most of us long for people with Refrigerator Rights. The problem is we don’t seem to have the time to build friendships that go deep enough that people feel welcome into our refrigerator.
A short but amazing book that helped me understand how to make time for authentic Christian community is Randy Frazee’s, “Making Room for Life.” If you read this and just revisit a few aspects of your life to coincide with what Randy is suggesting, it could be life-changing.